You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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