At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
