I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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