I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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