woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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