I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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