you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We left the knife in your bed.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
