Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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