Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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