we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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