My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
