There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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