How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
