You can't motorboat a personality
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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