There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
