if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
