There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
