i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Randomize
