We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
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