We named our party play list daddy issues
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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