I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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