I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
