3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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