I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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