We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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