How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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