considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i love accidental penises.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
