So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
and you fell through a lawn chair
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
