Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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