were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
