I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
