that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
