I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
