I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
