apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Also, beer. Big fan.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
