girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
