I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Is it penis luge time yet?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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