I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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