My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
