thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
