Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
