frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Randomize
