Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
