Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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