please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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