can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
