You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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