Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Randomize
