and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
