everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
