She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
