Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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