I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
