She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
