Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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